It’s time to put down the phone

We’ve recently been taking our son to swim lessons at the local indoor swim center. I believe it’s incredibly important that he is capable and confident in the water for safety’s sake. But that’s a different story. This is about what I saw when Tom took to the water with his group’s instructor and I looked around at the other parents. You know what I saw? Phones. Lots of them. Easily 80% of the parents had their eyes on their phone, or were having conversations with their airpods in. Looking from those parents back to Tom splashing in the water, I got a huge smile and a bombastic thumbs up from him. It was very clear to me at that moment that I need to put my phone down.

Life, and adventure, is about texture and contrast. That doesn’t necessarily happen on mountaintops or in the deep wilderness. Sometimes you get a taste of it from sunlight coming through a window, a new pizza place, or a grin from your kid in the swimming pool. Is your phone getting in the way of that?

Now, I’m not judging those swim lesson parents too harshly. Their kids were in trained hands with lifeguards around. They weren’t neglecting their children. Instead, I feel a little bad for those moms and dads; they’re missing out on those smiles and thumbs ups. I also can’t judge too much—I’ve been the dude with my nose glued to my device instead of being present too. I think we all have.

Our devices have become a huge part of modern life. They’re tools, toys, computers, cameras, and entertainment devices. They can even make phone calls. Wild, right? They are pervasive parts of our lives and society.

And it ain’t all bad.

The benefits of our phones

I’m not a total luddite, and I don’t think technology is inherently bad. There are a lot of positive qualities to our smart phones. If you’re my age, or older, you might remember when a cell phone was just a phone. We also carried cameras, GPS units, iPods, and little notebooks. Our pockets were full, people!

Our modern smartphones do all of this, and more. We have apps for everything, from banking to starting our cars. We can connect with people from around the globe, and we can learn all kinds of new things from books, audiobooks, videos, etc.

We can stay connected in so many ways, from text messages, social media, email, and, yes, even phone calls. My phone isn’t some evil device, and we’re not bad people for using them. They’re helpful, entertaining, and super convenient. Hell, a good 20% of this post’s rough draft was tippity-tapped into my phone. There is no debating the usefulness of a modern smartphone.

But all of that comes at a price.

The drawbacks

The utility of our phones has a shadow side. Lurking behind the shiny exteriors and bright colored lights are a whole mess of drawbacks. It’s a strange thing that we carry a tool in our pockets that can help us explore the world more deeply, but we tend to use them to avoid what is around us. I’m not doing a deep dive here, but some of the hidden costs of our phones include:

• Reduced attention span, focus, and concentration.
• Addictive behavior patterns—yeah, your phone is addictive, and the apps are purposely designed that way.
• Higher stress levels are linked to pressure to remain “always on.”
• Frequent checking interrupts “deep work” and decreases productivity.
• Increased anxiety and depression have been linked to problematic smartphone use.
• Disrupted sleep quality
• Weakened in-person social interaction
• Emotional dysregulation and loneliness despite constant connection

These aren’t just my opinions, they’re based on actual evidence-backed research. There’s even evidence that suggests that it can rewire our brains in areas tied to reward and emotional regulation, and some studies suggest that simply reducing smartphone internet access can have a net positive effect on mood, attention span, and reported life satisfaction.

And I’m not even getting into the blatant consumerism or privacy concerns introduced by our smartphones, or the dangers of texting and driving.

The point is that these devices that seem so wonderful come at a cost that extends beyond the money we pay for them.

What we miss when we don’t put down the phone

So, acknowledging the downsides of our devices, it’s also important to be aware of what we’re missing when we keep our eyes locked on the screens. I started this with the perfect example at swim lessons—we miss out on what’s happening around us, which very often includes the people most important to us.

I don’t just see it at swim lessons. When I take the kid to the park, I see parents letting their kids play but not engaging with them. Why? They’re using their phone. When at restaurants or bars, I see couples ignoring one another. Instead, they’re glued to their devices. Too often we’re choosing a digital landscape or virtual connection instead of the one that is directly in front of us. And there will come a time we regret that. Kids grow up, unnurtured relationships grow cold.

Even our interactions with the natural world around us and the spirit of place is diminished when we shift our focus from what’s around us to a glowing screen. And as a storyteller, I struggle with this; it takes a lot of effort to use my phone as a tool—a camera, a map, a notebook—and not let that detract from what I’m thinking, doing, and feeling when I’m adventuring. As important as storytelling is to me, being present in the experience is more important to me, and I work to stay conscious of that and avoid misusing or overusing my device in the context of an adventure.

I believe there’s a spirit to places. Every landscape has a rhythm to it, if you can sit long enough to observe it. Ponderosa pines swaying in the winds. Turkey vultures circling thermals. Frost crunching beneath your feet. Our technology interrupts that rhythm. Phones fracture immersion. You simply cannot fully disappear into a place while you’re responding to notifications, reading emails, or mindlessly scrolling.

But even back at my desk, my phone calls to me; yes, pun intended. I love to write, but that doesn’t mean it’s always easy. But you know what’s never hard? Scrolling Instagram. A little bit never hurt anyone, but most of us know how easy it is to go from a five-minute scroll break to a two-hour doom scroll session. I know I’ve done it, and just like that my writing time, or good night’s sleep, is gone. For someone who doesn’t have a lot of spare time in his life, that’s a bitter pill to swallow.

The solution; put down the phone

It’s not all doom and gloom. There’s a lot of evidence that indicates our phones *can* be pretty detrimental. But as far as I can tell, the research doesn’t say that smartphones are universally harmful. They don’t have a technological bias for evil, and how they affect us depends on factors like:

• How long we use them
• What we use them to do
• What activities they replace or support
• Whether we feel in control or compelled to use them

We don’t necessarily need to abandon our devices to reduce the negative sides of the technology.

Do not be “always on”

Make sure that you have time away from your phone. Trust me, it’s worth it. One of the things I have been working on is putting my phone away when I get home from work. I try not to use it again until after I’ve put the kiddo to bed. I’m not perfect at it, but it’s a step in the right direction.

That means if you text me at 6:30 p.m., you may not get a response until later in the evening, or even the next day. The thought of this makes a lot of people uncomfortable. “What if someone needs me?” they ask. If someone desperately needs me, they’re going to call, not send me a text, Whatsapp, or DM.

I grew up in the days of people not knowing where other people were at all times. We had a landline. If I wasn’t at home, no one could reach me by phone. If I didn’t want to answer, nobody knew that I might have just been ignoring their call.

Now that we carry our phones in our pockets, people think that we should always be reachable. I don’t subscribe to that notion. My phone is here for my convenience. Not for everyone else’s.

The truth is, most people never actually need me immediately. You know who does? My toddler, wife, and dogs. My family needs and deserves my attention in these moments. It’s vital that I be present for them. It’s so important, in fact, that I’ll add…

Be present

We only have so much attention span. Focus it on what matters most. As I just described, my family is my number one priority. I may take the occasional work call or reply to a message, but I make a concerted effort to not let my phone pull my attention away from them.

This extends beyond my loved ones though. While hunting last year, sitting in the forest waiting for a whitetail buck to enter my shooting lane, I was surprised when I found myself looking something up on my phone. Here I was, having camped overnight, walked to my spot in the darkness, and doing my best to retain body heat, and I couldn’t keep my focus on what I was doing? I tucked my phone back into my pocket and brought my attention back to the world around me.

Adventure isn’t just trying to reach a goal. It’s more than movement through geography. It’s attention. It’s focus paired with curiosity. It requires engagement. You can stand on top of a mountain or the edge of a canyon and still mentally be trapped in your inbox.

If you’re going to have your eyes glued to your phone the whole time, why even bother getting out into the world, going on adventures, and having new experiences?

Better to put the phone down and experience what’s around you.

But how?

If you’re addicted to your phone, have trouble setting boundaries about how and when you use it, or just feel like you spend too much time on it, it can feel really hard to just put the damn thing away.

So, if you need a little extra help in this territory, here’s a few things that have helped me.

Do your homework

Last year, I read How to Break up with Your Phone, by Catherine Price. I found it incredibly insightful, and it helped me take an honest look at how much I was using my phone. If you’re really struggling with putting down your phone, and it’s getting in the way of your work and relationships, or making your adventures less fun, I highly recommend giving it a read. Price dives a lot deeper into this problem and provides a 30-day digital detox plan if that’s something that you think you’ll need.

Be intentional

How do you use your phone? Do you pull it out automatically whenever you’re bored, waiting in line, or feel uncomfortable? Do you even think about it, or does it just seem to happen?

It’s important to use our devices intentionally. When we make the decision to use our devices with a specific purpose for a set period of time, our smartphones are useful, even if just for entertainment. When used reflexively, without thought, they’re a fog machine for our focus and attention span.

And boredom, despite how uncomfortable it feels now, is a doorway to creativity and, spinning off from there, adventure. When we’re bored, we daydream. We explore. We wander. We notice things. Smartphones have become very effective boredom-killing machines, and sometimes they kill curiosity and adventure in the process.

Start thinking about how you use your phone, why, and how much. Most phones have a built-in timer that will tell you how much time you’ve spent on the device in a day, and what apps you’ve used in that time. If you haven’t ever checked this out, take a look. The amount of time you spend scrolling may surprise you.

Use scaffolding

In construction, scaffolding is a temporary framework that is established so that workers can go about building or renovating. We are doing mental renovations, so we’re going to erect some scaffolding too.

Find a way to slow yourself down before you unlock your screen. For a while I put a big rubber band around my phone. It was just a simple way for me to put an extra thought between the impulse to grab the phone and getting lost in the digital world. Anything you can do to create a small pause will help you use your phone with a little more intention.

I’m a big believer in limiting notifications. Again, I don’t need to be always on, especially on every platform. I don’t need an alert if someone likes my Instagram post, or a ding every time I get a new email. Limiting push notifications helps take back a little more mental bandwidth immediately.

I’ve also switched to a minimalist phone home screen and app launcher. Nothing bright or shiny, no icons or wallpaper. Just a list of apps when I open up my phone. I also have certain apps blocked at certain times of day, and use an app that requires me to wait 15 seconds before distracting apps will open—it also closes the app after a pre-set period of time has elapsed.

Remember what matters most

One time when I was hiking with my son, I was lining up a photo and he said, “Dad, put away your phone, look at this!” as he pointed at a shiny rock. There’s nothing wrong with taking pictures of our adventures or our kids—or our kids on adventures for that matter—but there are only so many shots we can take before we’re documenting an experience instead of actually living it.

One day my son will move away. Eventually, I’m going to have trouble hiking up some of the terrain I cover now. My dog, Inkling, isn’t going to be around forever—she’s already slowing down. The pictures are great, and I’m not going to stop taking them… But I’m not going to view the sum total of my experiences through the screen either.

You don’t need to throw your smartphone into a river or move into a cabin in the woods. You just need moments where you’re not tethered to technology. Leave the phone in your pocket on a hike. Sit around a campfire without checking notifications. Watch a sunset without trying to capture every second. Let yourself be unreachable once in a while.

At the end of the day, our devices are what we make of them. They can be helpful tools, or addictive distractions. We can use them to connect us, or allow them to make us feel lonely or isolated. It’s up to us. And anytime I find myself feeling overwhelmed by it, or feel like I’m glued to my device, or reaching for an app too much, I know exactly what to do.

Put down the phone.